Can't live with 'em... can't bury 'em in the woods

There are some people that just need a serious application of a size 9 to either the skull or the posterior, with the region being virtually interchangable. One candidate is the girl from downstairs - she doesn't seem to be able to wrap her pea sized brain around the simple mathematics involved in Marie + no money = no cigarettes. Every day it's the same conversation:

"Can I get a cigarette from you?"
"I've been out since Friday."
"Oh. You look tired. Were you sleeping?"
"I was until there was a knock on the door."
"So, when will you have some cigarettes?"
"When I get some money."
"When will that be?"
"DamnifIknow. When someone replies to one of the resumes I've been sending out and I get a job. Do you have a job?"
"Babysitting. I should get paid this week."
"So why don't you go buy your own cigarettes then?"

It's to the point where I feel like it's just easier to stand just out of the sightlines of her apartment or wait until dark to go out to have a smoke... which brings me to my other candidate for a good, old fashioned ass kicking.

This one is a friend of my next door neighbor. He comes over late in the evening and they sit out in the common area, smoking and getting drunk. This wouldn't be that big a deal if it weren't for the fact that the common area is less than six feet from my front door and the guy is not only loud, he's an obnoxious know-it-all when he gets drunk. Last night's alcohol fueled flight of fancy was what would happen if an asteroid struck the moon hard enough to turn it into space dust.

I finally had my fill of it around 2:30AM. I walked out, lit a cigarette and said to the pair of them, "The scenario you proposed has only one outcome. All the debates over if there is a God or an afterlife become a moot point because we'd know the truth in short order. You'd be talking a chunk of iron roughly the size of Texas to crush the moon to dust. It'd be game over for life as we know it."

I know I tend to sound cranky these days. You take a 5' 7" body and cram it into a 5' space for sleeping night after night. It's not comfortable. I miss being able to actually stretch out. I especially miss being able to curl up next to someone I love and listen to them breathe. I hope that Labor Day weekend pans out.